Defenceless

I was done with gambling

When I placed a bet on you,

Competition was relentless

There was nothing I could do,

The odds against were endless

Those in favour few,

I'm going in defenceless

I placed my bet on you.

Liminal

The morning you crept

from the bed,

barely aware, I heard

the rattle and thrum

of a diesel at the curb,

click of the catch,

crunch of gravel,

thud of the door.

The cooled depression,

the ridge of duvet

along my back,

the false impression

you're there. Already out

of the cul-de-sac.

The Fall of Oscar Wilde

The Fall of Oscar Wilde

Low hanging fruit, a family feud,

a misspelled note, a libel suit,

mock indignation and ire,

to please your lover liar,

a bullet made for you to fire.

Sling enough mud they say....

Sling enough mud, it sticks,

exactly what the Marquis did!

Like you he paid the boys in gifts

for services rendered, to lift the lid

off your desires – and so

the gun backfires again.

O the irony of it!

Haughty speech and florid prose,

he took the stand to maintain,

some aesthetic pedagogic pose,

became so voluble on

the love that dare not speak,

claimed to mentor and to teach.

Though I think it was less Latin,

something more like Greek.

It amounted to a guilty plea.

And working class boys

pretty and expendable,

off the Piccadilly meat-rack

could go to the highest bidder and aren't

yet loyal or dependable when a better

offer's on the table, or perhaps

a worse threat.

Each man kills the thing he loves.

Outcasts always mourn. From

Pentonville, Reading & Gaulic exile,

poured overwrought remorse.

Talk of true nobility in suffering -

The Soul of Man Under Socialism,

De Profundis, repudiate and deny

a view you once endorsed,

that art was beautiful lies.

Cursing penury and fuelled

by whiskey absinthe and gin,

dying in the hotel d'Alsace

under another name,

It was shooting yourself

in the foot that ultimately did you in.

Well, that and the wallpaper,

so it's claimed.

Scraping The Barrel (A Villanelle)

I love the villanelle form. It's usually used for deadly serious poems, the most famous being Dylan Thomas' Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight. However, I recently came across a wrly funny example by Wendy Cope Villanelle for Hugo Williams, mildly chastising him for bastardising the form. I decided to write my own in the same tone.

I'm sure all your friends will agree

You're mining the sofa for change,

You're scraping the barrel with me.

It's really not you, it's totally me,

I'm odd, queer, peculiar, strange,

I'm sure all your friends will agree.

You know there are plenty more fish in the sea,

Don't plumb the depths it's deranged.

You're scraping the barrel with me.

You've set your sights to the lowest degree,

Grubbing the basements, the bargain range,

I'm sure all your friends will agree.

In this spirit I'm returning to thee,

All the gifts we exchanged,

You're scraping the barrel with me.

Time heals and one day you'll see,

We were always estranged.

I'm sure all your friends will agree,

You're scraping the barrel with me.

Listen to Scraping The Barrel

Poetic Champions Compose

I love the works of Yorkshire poet Simon Armitage. 

Simon Armitage was asked to give three pieces of advice to aspiring poets and he said, "Read, read and read".  It's good advice but I think the poetic impulse arises earlier. It made me think about my own history, how my love of words arose.

'The child is the father of the man' (Wordsworth) and for melancholic children there are consequences. I can still recall the first poem that made an impact on my psyche and tapped straight into a rich vein of sadness woven through my DNA. Scarecrow :

My poor old bones, I've only two,

A broom shank and a broken stave,

My ragged gloves are a disgrace,

My one peg foot is in the grave.

Dylan - understood in the heart

Recited by Mrs. Bagley in the second year of primary school it induced such an exquisite sorrow that sent my six year old self off on lone walks down the playing fields to contemplate the daisies and ponder the words that surprised, intrigued and puzzled in equal measure: 'broom shank', 'stave', 'grave'. They had resonance! I berated myself for my previous lack of empathy with these wretched creatures stuck in fields. Here was my muse, encountered in melancholy meanderings through the woods and meadows around home.

At seven I independently found my way to the church choir. Anthems, psalms and hymns ignited my imagination. "Jesus, Jesus, Lo he comes and loves and saves and freeze us" I sang. Bizarre! A little later I found out that nobody was being frozen but freed! What a disappointment! I loved the impenetrable "freeze us"; much more mystery about that. And then:

What peaceful hours I once enjoyed

How sweet their memory still

But they have left an aching void

The world can never fill.

Accessible simplicity: Wendy Cope

I understood this implicitly. I was an old man trapped in an eight year old body. I spent an inordinate number of warm summer days indoors and retreated into books. I remember my mom contrasting me with my slightly younger brother, "He's always got his nose in a book. His brother's a proper lad." The neighbours concurred - I needed to get out and climb more trees. But, I was cultivating my own aching void.

Hills of the North rejoice

River and mountain spring

The great mystery of the brooding dark North – rejoicing streams! This was my world!

Mystic - WB Yeats

Inspired by a sad documentary on the life of French chantuese Edith Piaf, I wrote a sonnet. I pored over the form (in a Shakespeare volume I found in the local library) worked out the rhyme scheme and really laboured. I loved the romance of Je ne regrette rein, that insists so much on regretting nothing that you know the narrator regrets everything! It was the first thing I wrote that ever felt accomplished. The first thing that meant more than the sum of its words. The teacher was sceptical, "Is this your own work?" Maybe Edith Piaf wasn't a fit subject for a boy of eleven? But wasn't everything up for scrutiny?

Forget indulgent prog rock, ignore frivolous glam rock and passing fashion. It was the 70s vogue for solipsistic singer-songwriters that entranced and enchanted: words again. Hejira, Joni Mitchell's gorgeously ethereal pean to the romance of road trips:

There's comfort in melancholy

When there's no need to explain

It's as natural as the weather

As this moody sky today. (Hejira)

My older sister had this penfriend. I remember seeing a photo of him dressed in an Afghan coat with greasy long hair and droopy moustache. I didn't get what she saw in him. Her romantic fantasies were squashed flat one day when she received a cassette tape.

Overlooked: Dory Previn

I stepped into an avalanche

It swallowed up my soul.

When I am not this hunchback

That you see,

I sleep beneath the golden hill. (Avalanche)

Her romance ended but my love affair with the works of Leonard Cohen continues to this day! I took to sublime misery and dark humour like a duck to water. I began a little scrapbook of writing, not so much influenced by as mimicking or plagarising what I was hearing. And then I encountered Bob Dylan.

He became an obsession. I spent hours trying to decode Blonde On Blonde but the mystery only deepened:

I just can't fit,

I believe it's time for us to quit,

When we meet again,

Introduced as friends,

Please don't let on that you knew me when,

I was hungry and it was your world. (Just Like A Woman)

Sylvia Plath

I gleaned two things from this. First that some things are understood in the heart and not the head and second the importance of hearing words - phrasing, timing, rhythm and rhyming. The way Dylan alights the word 'hungry', stretching out the phonemes, 'hungaareeee', whatever he means you know he means it. I heard Dylan was mercurial and decided I would be too and my new policy was never to give a straight or predictable answer to any question. It got me into trouble but it also sharpened the poetic use of language.

1975: Dylan's Blood On The Tracks spoke volumes on the subtle use of words:

Say for me that I'm alright

Though things get kind of slow,

If she thinks that I've forgotten her,

Don't tell her it isn't so. (If You See Her Say Hello)

Why shouldn't she be told? Vulnerability to painful to admit? Embarrassment? One carefully chosen word can encompass so many possibilities. How much better than a simple instruction to "tell her"?

Open your eyes and ears and you're influenced.

Sublime: John Keats

Pete Brittan & Evelyn Fitzmaurice, two inspirational teachers influenced and encouraged in equal measure. They introduced me to Shakespeare, the Liverpool poets, Wordsworth, Keats, Harold Pinter, Thom Gunn, Ted Hughes, William Blake, John Betjamen Eliot, Auden, Jane Austen..... a world of words and ideas. Their enthusiasm and breadth of knowledge was infectious. I just absorbed as much as I could and learned many works off by art. I can still recite most of The Wife of Bath's Tale and the Prologue to the Cantebury Tales!

Stevie Smith of pop - Morrissey

Form is a discipline that for me, aids writing. When a poem just isn't working I will often try it in a different form. Changing a sonnet to a villanelle or vice versa sometimes improves the expression of a theme.

The songwriters I loved pointed me backwards to their influences: Lorca, Pound, Woody Guthrie, Whitman, Rousseau, the Bible, Poe, Rimbaud and latterly classical Greek stuff. At different points I wanted to be all of these people – I was good at mimicking style - but the common message of all their lives seemed to be that we should all find our own voice: write what we know.

Occasionally I read my own stuff & I hear echoes of others. Indeed I revised For A Second I Forgot partly because one stanza strayed to close to a Cohen song:

I'm lazy, weak but harmless

this much I admit,

Joni Mitchell

tighten up the harness

you win and I submit. (Me – For A Second I Forgot)

You're weak and your harmless

Sitting in your harness

With the wind going wild

In the trees (Cohen – Light As A Breeze)

But sometimes I only hear the echo in retrospect. 

Take this:

The fine wines of the purple line

Leave a bitter after-taste (Me – Apolide)

and

The snows of the Tyrol and the clear beer of Vienna

Are not very pure or true (Sylvia Plath – Daddy)

I left this in as a kind of a homage, a nod to Plath, but I don't expect everyone will hear it and Plath's line is better anyway. Incidentally, if you have an interest in Plath's work, seek out the BBC recordings from the 1962. Her recitations of Lady Lazarus & Daddy are hugely impressive, her phrasing and stresses bring new layers of meaning. I can recite these too in Plath's voice!!

Morrissey – the Stevie Smith & e.e. cummings of pop – wrote:

If you must write prose and poems

The words you write should be your own,

Don't plagarise or take on loan.

There's always someone, somewhere

With a big nose, who knows (Morrissey - Cemetery Gates)

But Joni Mitchell wrote:

A part of you pours out of me

In these lines from time to time (Mitchell – A Case of You)

Lately I've been re-reading W. B. Yeats, poring over Simon Armitage's back catalogue, mourning the loss of Dory Previn and rediscovering her in the process... revisiting some well known Auden, thinking how much more profound later Roger McGough is, taking in some Wendy Cope whose apparent simplicity conceals depth charges. Read, read and read.

The Absolute Need

Owls hoot in the oaks

the jasmine is heady,

I look from the window

and watch them together

scoop the moon from

the shimmering surface

drunk & unsteady,

I almost believe

we'll be happy forever

I'm 54 and I'm ready.

I almost believe

we are marked,

we are blessed,

so I'm keeping the vigil

to honour the guest,

with my absolute need

to do the right thing -

we've agreed, we've concurred

I've given my word,

you'll accede and comply

we're putting you first,

with my absolute need

my unequivocal thirst.

Hot afternoon fucks

so urgent we must,

absorbed in the moment

abandoned to lust,

Sinews are taut

muscles are rigid,

the gathering tide

resisting its limits,

this is my sacrament -

the body, the blood,

the burgeoning tide

becoming a flood,

only doing

what any man would.

You are appeased

by the pleasure of pleasing,

the pleading, the kneeling,

the wanting, the needing

to do the right thing -

and in doing redeeming.

Your duty is solemn,

the ritual light,

so Godamn you man

don't fight,

just do as I say,

obey my demands,

its not a suggestion

it's a command -

that is the line

this is the measure,

play with my upright sense

of unrepentant pleasure.

There in the shower

Washing your back

caressing your head

With my cock in your crack,

Pressing your face

up to the glass.

Your spine is a river

I'm tracing it's race

through the darkest ravine

to the holiest place

Lapping you up

drinking you in

with an absolute need

to do the right thing -

Slapping your moody

French ass!

Congress of three

divine intimation,

the moon and the jasmine

the men that you are,

I think we are saved

and this is salvation,

for a minute at least

I almost believe.

All of my lovers

romantic and filthy,

you are forgiven

I hope you forgive me,

for now it's implied

that all of creation,

submits and accedes -

and works in accord,

with my absolute need.

Listen to The Absolute Need here

The Absolute Need mp3

CHOICES

Twenty brands of cornflakes

On the supermarket shelf.

A myriad minor choices -

"But is there something else?"

Sixty flavours of jam,

A hundred kinds of pop.

Tons of trivial choices -

But only one place to shop.